Merry Christmas

Winter Wonderland

I love winter! It is my favorite season, favorite holiday, the works! Well, autumn is actually my favorite time of year, but I especially fall in love with winter because Christmas is my very favorite holiday of all. No, not for presents, but instead for family and the beautiful big Christmas dinner.

Thanksgiving 2012

Hi all! How was everybody's Thanksgiving this year? Mine was amazing! The turkey and stuffing turned out PERFECT. And I've only done this two years in a row now. I had awesome help this year, though. My father and mother in-law made the stuffing, and my sister in-law made 3 yummy pies!

My parents and my in-laws were all able to travel and visit us this year. We were so happy they could! We just wished Tim's brother and his wife, Nate and Melissa, could've stayed the week with the rest of us.

Me and my husband, Tim, smooching in the kitchen ;) hehe

Ah, love! The greatest thing for me to be thankful for this Thanksgiving =). I am thankful for my husband and my son, Tim and Lukas. I couldn't live without either one of them. I am grateful for family and good friends, and many, many other wonderful things in my life. I am especially thankful for all the gifts God has given me in the last 2 years, life being one of the very top things there.

I dated at 18 and have been single ever since 19, and then after 3 years of me, myself and I; I found Tim Klich! Yeah, I am definitely the luckiest girl on earth. =) 

Looking Back...

I started thinking today how nothing happened the way I expected it to during my actual phases of labor. Such as, I thought I might freak out or there would be so much pain or they would be so incredibly strong that I couldn't think or walk.

Neither was the case for me. I was dilated at 6 and barely believed I dilated at 3 if at all. Is my body really a baby making machine? I understand all women are, but is mine different because my pain tolerance is extremely high?

And even after the fact, in what I did feel or notice, I'd do it all over again in a heartbeat, without question, without a single ounce of fear or doubt?

I can't say what brings this thought about, but I can say I reflect back on those long hours of labor more often than not, and that it amazes me still what the human body endures, and how it heals itself and regenerates afterward.

For example, the tummy thing amazed me beyond belief. I never imagined the female body was so amazing and pregnancy definitely made me appreciate and love my body much, much more than ever.

BEFORE (36 weeks)

AFTER (6 weeks postpartum)

The second picture is a little blurry (as I've said before, disregard my sucky picture taking skills). But seriously, is the body not amazing?I am back in my size 8 mini skirts, size 8 shorts, size 6 jeans, and size small/medium tops. I generally like my tops looser because my chest is very busty and the top gets too tight. Especially with breastfeeding, even though I am letting my milk dry up already, they are still a size 40DD, normally a size 38DD. Sometimes I just wear sports bras like in this picture (the second one) I wore one because it supports my chest better and my chest doesn't look so big, in other words, tops fit way better when my boobs are in check haha.

Whatever, who cares, not to go off the subject but . . . My point is I think women are incredible and the weight loss is so amazing, I can't say that word enough haha. It's just so true.

I am no "prize" in the physical sense, and that isn't at all what I am trying to say here. I am saying the body is a miracle and until you have a baby I don't think women will ever come to respect or appreciate their bodies.

Me? I am completely comfortable in my own body under my own skin. I do not have flaws to blame on my kids (which I wouldn't even if I did) and the stretch marks? Those fade so quickly!

The skin? Sure, it gets loose after birth. But watch it scrunch, regenerate and shrink back, then scrunch and jiggle and then shrink and tighten back again and it keeps going like that fr weeks and then suddenly you're back in your old clothes and your tummy is tight and taut again. No muffin top, not jiggle, just toned and sexy again haha.

Mine needs toning work which I've been doing on and off, but I am happy with it and it doesn't stick out or jiggle so who cares?? I'll get to it when i get to it. The important thing to pay most attention to is my son right now =).

ღ ¸¸ ♥ Becoming a Momma ♥ ¸¸ღ

"Lord give me patience for little ones.
A gentle heart and words so kind,
so when each child is grown and thinks of home, 
a loving place will come to mind."

I loved being pregnant and I absolutely love being a mom! I have to say I never held a baby before in my life, until I held my own. The feeling is like nothing you can ever imagine if you don't have kids. There is a magic there, a presence and the energy shifts, you can feel it. It's absolutely amazing.

I wouldn't change this for the world. I have never been so happy in my life as I have the past 2 years now. I've been so blessed with many things in the last 2 years, and I am so blessed I can stay home with my son (unless I look for a part time job, something to get me out of the house once in a while) but in all honesty I love what I am doing right now. Kids are a ton of work, but it is all fun work. Yes, it can get stressful when they have their crabby days. My son has cranky days here and there, but I accept it and take things as they come.

I'd much rather be with my baby no matter what.

"I never knew...
how happy I would feel when you smile, 
I never knew...
how sad I would feel when you cry,
I never knew...
how heartwarming it would be to watch you grow,
I never knew...
how much love my heart could hold,
And now...
I will always know."

 I didn't know I was capable of feeling so much before I was a Mom. :)

"Being a mother means that your heart 
is no longer yours; it wanders 
wherever your children do."

Memoirs: Maggie, my first dog

I really can't say for sure why I am writing this, especially so spontaneously. Perhaps I'm writing it now to get it off my mind. Out of the many other things about my paternal father and the awful things he has said and did throughout my whole life.

I have never taken therapy, counseling or any of that garbage. I have never believed any of that has ever helped a person truly heal. Let go of resentment? Sure. Forgive? Perhaps. But to heal entirely goes much deeper than forgiveness and letting go of resentment. I've learned this, because long ago I didn't allow resentment to build and unforgiveness to crumble my foundation.

What has most likely triggered this particular memory is the fact that my mom and step-dad had to put down their old German Shepherd this past week :(, and it's very sad.

Then the thought of the time when I will have to let my miniature Dachshund or my cat, Jasper, go, irks me. 

So I will write this in hopes it will leave my mind finally. 

Well, obviously growing up under Bignose's roof wasn't exactly what I would call great. It is definitely not something I would ever put my own children through.

I had a beautiful Chesapeake Bay Retriever once, she was chocolate and her name was Maggie. She had the most gorgeous eyes, unique for a dog, they were yellowish green. In spite of her breed, her coat was super soft. I loved petting her, she felt so silky all of the time. Well, memories aside, she liked to bum and run around a lot. This ticked off my dad. One day she eventually got herself caught up in some trap, her foot mangled. She managed to get back home somehow. She always was a strong dog. I was 8 years old.

Bignose made me load one of his guns, which was heavy, and I had never shot any gun before. But he forced me to shoot my own dog, instead of taking her in to the vet to have her taken care of. He made his kid shoot the poor thing, right between the eyes.

The words "pumpkin on a post" haunt me til this day, (Bignose's phrase for how you line up a target with the barrel of the gun). I still see those beautiful eyes looking back at me. I was crying and Bignose smacked me a few times because I was crying over her.

"Quit your bawlin'," he told me.

I shot her and it haunted me for years. I cried for that dog until I was about 12 years old. No lie. Something about that has always stuck with me. It's what made me really want to be a Veterinarian, to take care of those beautiful animals and make up for the horrible thing I had been forced to do as a little girl.

Bignose was rotten, he always has been and always will be. I forgive him as a person, but I don't have to forgive his actions. I can accept them, which I have, because I have learned so much from them, and all in spite of him and his morals and terrible parenting.

He is and always has been heartless. I don't talk to him anymore, and I have gotten past all his abuse. I am not one of those people who sit around whining and crying and blaming my parent for the way I am or whatever. In fact, all his abuse taught me how not to be, what never to do, what never to say to my kids, and it helped me grow up really fast and be very independent and work hard and to never lose at anything, to do and be anything I want and work for it.

Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ ♥ Breast Is Best ♥ Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ

Let me start by saying I totally agree breast is really best. But let me also say sometimes breast is not always a choice. Ladies, bear with me on this one. I know this is a pretty gray area for all nursing mothers who struggle and don't struggle with breastfeeding, but I don't feel there should be conflict between any woman regardless of her baby's food choices for her baby. Formula can work if breast milk fails to.
I went from lactating insanely whenever I heard my baby cry to pretty much drying up out of nowhere. All the other fluids in my body are perfectly normal, so this remains a mystery to me. I am also on no medication either. (Be sure to check with your doctor about any meds you are taking, because that can affect breast milk production also). I never knew that until after having a baby.
I was so upset I had to supplement with formula. But I got over it pretty fast. I breastfeed 80% of the time, and the rest is supplementation. My body just isn't producing enough to meet my son's needs, and I have done every single thing and trick by the book. Major Milk Making Cookies? Worked a little, but still didn't help produce enough to meet my babies needs. I drink about 10-12 glasses of water each day, and sometimes an extra glass at night if I happen to get up and feed my baby again. I also pumped my little heart out since the first day we came home from the hospital, and while that was good enough for him at the time, my son has gone through his growth spurt, and my body has failed to catch up. It was almost two weeks after my body not producing enough that I realized something was wrong.
My nurse said this is very normal, if not rather common. Did the words "There is nothing we can do" break my heart? You bet it did! It shattered right there in her office and I spent the rest of my time there picking up every millionth piece of it. Supplementing is my only route to go, unless my body picks up the pace, but after almost 2 weeks I feel that is highly unlikely.
I also produce more milk at night, and very little during the day . . . So let me say this, because I still pump regardless and allow my baby to try breastfeeding first before formula, (and only supplement once he gets so annoyed that hardly any milk is getting to him), then I have no choice but to whip out my nemesis/savior, formula. However, this confuses me still because I actually don't breatsfeed at night, unless by some rare chance Lukas wakes me up at midnight or 2 AM for a feeding, but he usually sleeps between 9 PM and 4 AM. My boobs are filled by 4 AM, so the mornings are no problem. After 5 AM the milk productions slows, halts, then produces a little, but not a lot. I say I am confused because during the day is when I pump like an insane woman and have my baby suckle my breast for milk, and I have done this since he was first born to produce more and more milk, and yet my best production is only at night now. 
I feel that supplemental feeding is perfectly fine, and don't allow the depression to seep in, ladies. And other breastfeeding mothers should never harass you over supplementing after all else has failed. Let me just say do talk to your doctor or a lactation nurse first before supplementing, because every woman's situation is different and there may be other ways your doc can help. Some women may have blocked milk ducts, too. So just get checked out and have that heart to heart with your doctor. 
If they give the okay or there is simply nothing they can do, opt for plan B. I had to.
On a side note, I recommend breastfeeding to anybody, whether you have a high metabolism or not, it will allow your body to lose weight fast while contracting your tummy back naturally and slow enough to where you won't have that pouch sticking out for very long and also it totally erases stretch marks. At least, mine have faded tremendously! I was so worried they were a permanent part of me, just because they were on my belly, but it's smooth again already. That and I swear straight Vitamin E oil works awesome, too. I rubbed it in each night after my bubble bath and it smoothed my skin so beautifully. I used Palmers cocoa butter, but the plain Vitamin E oil worked way better and a lot faster.
Trust me, breast is best, but even if you supplement and breastfeed, you still lose more weight and get your body back faster. I was 4 weeks postpartum and already fitting into my size 7 jeans. I would love to be back in my size 6 or 5s, but I am definitely still losing lots of weight yet, so I'll be back in those by Thanksgiving. :D